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It's the Academy Awards!






Here are the categories:



Best Picture: Toilet Break - The Mas Selamat Story



Best Actor: Mas Selamat- for being able to convince his captors to let him use the toilet without a guard.



Best Supporting Actor: Superintendent of Detention Center for sawing off the handle of the toilet window as a security measure and the contractor for not installing grills in a maximum security facility toilet.

Best Actress: Mas disguised as a woman (might not really have happened, but the pics are hilarious)



Best Supporting Actress:



Best Director: Whoever planned out the whole thing

Best Screenwriter: SPH - for trying to spin a story to make the government less incompetent.

Best Prop: Toilet without grill

Best Possible Scapegoat(s): Superintendent of Detention Center

4th Case: Singtel, M1 and Starhub

Another PR event spiralling out of the whole Mas Selamat incident involves the 3 Telcos in Singapore. A while back they promised to send an MMS to all subscribers in an effort to help aid the capture of Mas. In the papers today, they claim that they've finally reached all subscribers. But many beg to differ. Myself included.

This is a summary of the facts:

They said that they would send out to all subscribers. Like all great boasts, it didn't work out.

What they did wrongly:

They made claims that they couldn't back up. There's a saying in the west, "your mouth shouldn't write checks your ass can't cash." Pardon my french. Now obviously it's impossible to send out. Whether it's a system thing, or the fact that they didn't even send it out. Who knows. Even their engineer said in the papers today that it was not possible to reach all. So why make the boast? PR disaster.

How to fix the situation:

Customers don't like to feel slighted. Best way to smooth this over? Free SMS for 1 month. All will be forgiven.

Tell Me Where in The World is Mas Selamat?

Songs are good and catchy. They stick in people's minds. So we at S&M intend to use song to catch Mas. This song is done in the tune of "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego"
Watch video to get tune



Where in the world is Mas Selamat?

Well he’s known around the world as a leading JI member,
He’s been locked away so long, no one seems to remember,
He might be on a boat on the way to Indonesia,
Tell me where in the world is Mas Selamat?

He’s a master of disguise, he can look like a woman,
And my friend Cheryl says that he looks good as a woman,
They’ve searched high and low but they can’t seem to find him,
Tell me where in the world is Mas Selamat?

He’ll go from Whitley to Dunearn, Lavender to Chai Chee,
Woodlands to Geylang, Serangoon and back!

Well he runs with a limp, but he seems to walk just fine,
He went to the toilet, that’s the last that anyones seen him
Is he still in the toilet, did they check the next stall.
Tell me where in the world is Mas Selamat?
Oh tell me where in the world is... Oh tell me where can he be?

He might be in China or India or Thailand.
He could be in Burma, Malaysia or Not!

Well He’s a man on the run with no water, clothes or money
He’s evaded every trick in our world class system,
Mr Wong please tell me, how did he do it.
Tell me where in the world is Mas Selamat?

Find Mas Selamat

The thing on everyone lips now is where's Mas. So over here at S&M, we've come up with a game to help everyday people to contribute to find Mas.

Where's Mas?

Second Case for "Smoke & Mirrors"

As a consequence of the recent "Toilet Break", Minister WKS's reputation has been taking a pounding with the public asking for his resignation. We at "Smoke & Mirrors" or "S&M" for short, have decided to take up his case to improve his public profile.

This is a summary of the facts: He is the Minister for Home Affairs. He said ""This should never have happened. I am sorry that it has." in Parliament.

What he did wrongly:

1) Don't apologise. Apologising is admitting guilt. He did nothing wrong. He wasn't the person who let the guy go to the toilet unattended. Also when you apologise, don't smile. Look sad and remorseful. If possible, cry c.f. Paris Hilton sentenced to prison.

2) Not reading the report clearly before making a statement. Whoever wrote his press release obviously ought to be shot. Is the guy or isn't the guy a threat? In times of crisis, use small words.

How to fix the matter:

1) Having a lot of soldiers standing around in close proximity to one another. This creates the impression of a lot of people protecting the area and increases the sense of security. People like to watch made up shows which are extravagant. C.f National Day Parade, NKF and other misc fundraisers.

2) If given an opportunity again in parliament, don't tell a joke. Cry, shed a tear. Crying wins the heart of people. Especially the older generation.

3) Be seen joining the search parties for said terrorist. It's the equivalent of kissing babies during an election year.

4) Sidenote: Learn to sing. Seriously.. It's not that hard. Do, Re, Mi... etc etc..

First Post

Decided to start up this blog in the light of the recent "Toilet Break" incident. Part of what "Smoke & Mirrors" does is to put the facts in a better light. Now for this incident, it really makes all parties look really really incompetent.

This is a summary of the facts : A man with a limp escaped when he went to the toilet in a maximum security prison. The news was only made known to the public after 4 hours.

Why does it make the people look incompetent:

1) He had a limp. He wasn't some fit strapping young buck who can like jump over high walls.

2) He went to the toilet presumeably on his own. Don't they watch any movies anymore? You never let the captive go unattended. If this was someone else like say Mr Chee, security would have been on him like white on rice. In the toilet? Bah, they probably hold him and unzip his pants when he goes to the gents.

3) News was only made known 4 hours later. Honestly, even with the picture being made known to the public now, how many people would recognise him? Well, some which is better than none. But by not letting people know, no one would bat an eyelid if they saw him on the road during the 4 hours where the authorities were clamping down on the area he escaped from. During the 4 hours, like one of my colleagues here at "Smoke & Mirrors" was saying, he can walk to the Causeway.

Putting a positive spin on things:

1) He did not have a limp. The terrorist leader was faking his limp as part of a clever ploy to fool his captors into a false sense of security. It was a cunning plan. Why, I know of stories of NSF (full time national servicemen) who have faked a limp for their 2 and a half years of service. If some unmotivated NSF can do it, I'm sure a motivated go-getter like Mas Selamat can as well.

2) They let him go unattended because they had information that there was a new JI cell forming in Singapore. So they let the fish go so as to catch the big fish. This, like the toilet escape plan, is a good ole favourite of B-grade movies. They planted some sort of tracking device inside his head. So even now, our swat teams are trying to find all the terrorists cells located in Singapore. Then arrest them all in one fell swoop. Pay raises all round. Why the need for the intense security then? To keep up the act of course.

3) Now the 4 hours lag is trickier. But still possible to spin. 4 hours is protocol. There was a need to comb the entire compound. Also to not have a false alarm and put the public into a state of panic. There's also a chain of command. And also 4 hours was obviously to let the suspect escape. No point implanting a tracking device into him if he's going to get caught. It was to allow him time to escape.

Now to wait for the endgame.